GWYGH, Ep. 010: Great Characters, Bad Movie

In Episode 10, Guest Josh Whitehead from On The Front Porch With Us and Janine watched Sky High (2005), which Janine wrote extensive self-insert fanfiction of when she was a teenager. Read Janine's notes relive the cringe of teenage fandom in real time. 

  • Listen… I am not emotionally prepared to watch this movie. So much cringe awaits me.
  • From the wikipedia:
  • Director Mike Mitchell said that Sky High functions on two premises: "the adults are all insane" and "the girls are smarter than the boys": Therefore, all the adults portrayed in the film tend to be caricatured, while the teenage girls are written as more assertive and powerful than the boys.
  • GIRL POWER FLICK
  • Mary Elizabeth Winstead, making her return on this podcast after the truly amazing Black Christmas
  • I literally watched the first two seconds, had to pause and come back to this movie several hours later. That’s how unprepared i am
  • Oh nice, opens with a classic comic book look, in animation of comic book panels
  • The Commander and Jetstream - the commander is super strength and the girls have flight and combat. Steve and Josie stronghold, in Maxville
  • Very classic comic book names for the people and the city, haha
  • “I’m supposed to save the world someday” - but he’s having trouble lifting weights
  • Cute little premise, I remember when I liked this movie so much
  • His dad is Kurt Russell!!! Nice
  • They’re real estate agents by day
  • He puts a whole bunch of weights on the bar before his dad enters the room as to not disappoint
  • Kurt Russell gives kind of a depressing speech about how the kid needs to be prepared to save the world when he dies
  • OH THIS GIRL… SHE COMES IN…….. LAYLA IS HER NAME, SHE CONTROL PLANTS I THINK
  • I AM FEELING SO EMBARRASSED REMEMBERING THESE FANDOM DAYS
  • “You know how my mom can communicate with animals? Apparently they don’t like being eaten” hahahah
  • He has a red cell phone that the mayor calls to get the superheroes to respond
  • I just went back to my old FanFiction.net account
  • This fanfiction was called “War and Peace and Love?” which will become relevant later, as one of the character’s name is Warren Peace
  • Anyway, his parents just killed a huge giant robot or whateves, sorry I was distracted by my horrible cringey past
  • And yes, that fanfiction has been scrubbed from the internet, you can’t find it
  • The bus driver is a huge fanboy of Will’s parents
  • Will meets his friend Zach on the bus - he wanted to bond over not having super powers, but his friend already has his
  • Once all the kids board the bus, the driver goes on a closed road, seatbelts appear and the bus takes off into flight in this super dramatic scene
  • Sky High is apparently in constant motion as to not be located by villains
  • When is Warren Peace gonna show up
  • I need that sweet, sweet cringe
  • The bus driver (Ron Wilson) has his own business cards lol
  • Guy zaps this girl’s butt with his laser sight, so she freezes them
  • One girl comprises the entire cheerleading team - they’re all clones of her
  • Oh, some bullies… Lash and Speed - they’re ready to haze the freshmen over a $15 new student fee
  • OH THIS GIRL. Gwen Grayson, the student body president, she’s the main love interest as evidenced by the music playing right now
  • I can’t get over how much Will looks like TR Knight
  • Hah, the principal is named Powers, that’s punny
  • The Power Placement test is first - that’s how they decide where you go, “the hero track or loser track (hero support)”
  • Coach Boomer (Sonic Boom) is leading the Power Placement test, which is done in front of the entire class
  • “This is so unfair” “If life were to suddenly get fair, I doubt it would happen in high school”
  • The nerdy kid turns into a giant rock man and boomer has a button JUST FOR DROPPING A CAR which is awesome
  • Zach goes to show off his power - he apparently glows but they can’t see it in the light, he’s put as a side kick
  • “Is that your power? Butt-kissery?”
  • Slideshow of different powers - cloning, acid spit, stuff like that
  • THIS GIRL SHAPESHIFTS INTO A GUINEA PIG awwww
  • Layla gets defaulted to sidekick because she doesn’t want to participate
  • OMG
  • THERE HE IS
  • IN ALL HIS GLORY
  • WARREN PEACE
  • HE’S HERE
  • I’M DYING
  • THE CRINGE
  • IT’S
  • KILLING ME
  • His dad is a supervillain, his mom is a superhero
  • Will’s dad put Warren’s dad in supervillain jail or whatever
  • Some more boring plot between Will and the girl he crushes on, whatever, gimme more Warren
  • The bullies want Will to join their side
  • Will’s turn in the test! Coach Boomer thinks he’s kidding when he says he doesn’t know what his power is and presses the car button - and then throws him to try to get him to fly - but nah. He gets put into sidekick
  • The nurse has x-ray vision, that’s pretty cool
  • HAH, her name is Nurse Spex
  • “The kids who fall into a vat of waste or get bitten by radioactive insects, they usually get their powers the next day… or they die.” haha, I love this nurse
  • Basically, Will might be the superhero equivalent of a squib from Harry Potter
  • Ron Wilson is also the non-super-power son of two heroes
  • Will’s dad takes him to his secret sanctum - the magical man cave basically
  • This flashback of Will’s mom and dad taking down Royal Pain looks like something from Power Rangers tbh
  • The secret sanctum is a collection of The Commander’s souvenirs from crime fighting
  • Omg, the souvenir from the robot is being used to spy on the sanctum - and it also is reminiscent of Power Rangers
  • Will goes out to sit on the roof and Layla joins him - she gets up there by making a tree grow to get up there? So… she won’t use her powers for school, but she’ll use it to just avoid going inside the house?
  • IIRC Layla is like in love with Will, which is why she’s so supportive of him
  • Layla tries to say “When life gives you lemons…” but she can only grow apples, which is cute
  • “Why would you choose to be a sidekick?” “Because, I think the whole thing is stupid. Dividing people into groups… What is this?” “High school?”
  • Hahah, they’re showing the Hero Support class. The teacher is “All American Boy”. Cute
  • “Without hero support, there wouldn’t be any heroes! Well… there probably would be heroes, but they’d be very lonely.”
  • Sidekicks don’t get to choose their names until heroes choose them after graduation :( Sad
  • “Misfire in the mad science lab” causes the power to go out -- proving Zach really does glow
  • The nurse is named Mr. Medulla . . . haha
  • Hero Support, showing them testing utility belts, cute little notes on the board
  • “English for Hero Support” “Holy ____, ____ man!”
  • So, i had to pause the movie just now to let the dogs out. And i gotta be honest. It’s taking a lot of thought to press that play button again. I’m just gonna let it chill for a little bit.
  • Okay it’s been like another hour so time to get back into this
  • Practicing changing and then posing, that’s cute!
  • Sidekick study group at Will’s house! So cute
  • But of course his dad comes home, and doesn’t know that those are not heroes
  • Name of the kids:
  • Zach - one who glows
  • Magenta - girl who turns into a guinea pig
  • Layla - plant girl that clearly crushes on Will
  • Ethan - melts
  • Will’s dad thinks that he is just hanging out with the sidekicks, until he admits that he IS a sidekick
  • His dad thinks that Coach Boomer has it out for his kid, but Will just straight up admits he has no powers
  • Hahahah, the Commander tries to play pool and his pool cue goes straight through the white ball
  • The bullies tease Ron Wilson, the bus driver. RON DID NOTHING WRONG. LEAVE HIM ALONE
  • OH SHIT
  • WARREN PEACE IS BACK
  • Will is tripped by the bullies and throws his food on Warren Peace
  • Warren has fire powers
  • OH MY GOOODDDDD PLEASE
  • THIS IS MAKING ME CRINGE I HATE THAT I WAS SO OBSESSED WITH HIM
  • He is still very attractive though. You can’t beat that
  • There’s a full on fight between Will and Warren in the cafeteria - Warren is just throwing fire balls everywhere - Will runs toward the fire alarm but gets tripped by the bully with the stretchy arms
  • Btw, if this movie came out today, tumblr would be full of fanart of stretchy arms man, I gotta say
  • Aw, the sidekicks come to Will’s help
  • Will gets his strength! He throws Warren off the table AND INTO A FUCKING WALL
  • JUST BECAUSE HE HAS FIRE POWERS DOESN’T MEAN HE CAN TAKE THAT
  • Oh he’s fine tho
  • Layla throws Will a fire extinguisher, which he uses on Warren
  • The principal comes in, looking unimpressed
  • They get put in detention - and the detention room neutralizes their powers
  • Why wouldn’t they make more of the school super power proof? Like the cafeteria?! Why would you need to have kids with superpowers in the cafeteria anyway?!
  • Awkward Will tries to mend things with him and Warren
  • He comes home to his parents disappointed in him, but his dad takes him to the sanctum and they celebrate - he gives him an xbox
  • Again, the weird spying villains are back from power rangers land
  • Will gets transferred from the sidekick to the hero class
  • He’s sad to leave his sidekick friends though
  • Dr. Medulla’s class now! Talking about ray guns
  • OH HIS LAB PARTNER IS THE FORCED ROMANCE GIRL
  • Obviously he should just be with Warren Peace
  • Grayson is a technopath, she can control technology with her mind
  • Grayson is a cool character, but the romance is forced and stupid
  • Will tries to let the sidekicks sit with him at lunch, but the heroes don’t want sidekicks sitting with them
  • He later tries to apologize to Layla by taking her to dinner - they’re interrupted by having to save the sidekicks from the bullies
  • Hey, I’m googling Sky High while I’m watching this, and according to TV Tropes a member of production wrote in the IMDB forums that there were supposed to be FOUR movies, one for each year of Will’s high school experience, each culminating with a villain. So, more superhero Harry Potter
  • They’re having like, hero and villain scrimmages (Save the Citizen) in the gym - of course WIll is paired with Warren, against the bullies
  • They’re supposed to be working together to save these fake citizens, but when Will notices that the speedy bully is going so fast around Warren that he’s losing oxygen, he saves him instead - and then just fucking throws Warren to grab the citizen
  • Gwen Grayson shows up at Will’s house… to “help him with his science homework”
  • BUT WILL, YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO MEET LAYLA FOR DINNER? YOU BUTTHOLE
  • Layla is at the Chinese restaurant… she’s sad and she makes the flower at her table wilt
  • WARREN WORKS AT THE CHINESE RESTAURANT
  • He comes up to Layla at the table and they talk and they’re very cute together
  • I think the relationship between Will and Grayson is awful because she obviously has chemistry with Will, but I love Warren and he and Layla are very cute together
  • What a super cute scene
  • This movie, while it makes me cringe, would be so popular if it had come out today, especially because of the super hero hype
  • Warren is so perceptive…. He sees right through Layla and recognizes she’s in love with Will
  • He’s adorable and great
  • He’s ready to throw down whenever Will is around, but outside of school, he’s chill and ready to dish love advice.
  • NO WONDER I LOVED HIM SO MUCH
  • I AM TWENTY SIX YEARS OLD
  • AND I AM FEELING LIKE A TEENAGER ALL OVER AGAIN
  • They play the same overused romance song every time Grayson and Will have a scene together
  • I literally googled “romance song ba ba ba baaaa ba” and found out that the song’s name is True by Spandau Ballet
  • The villains from Power Rangers are here again
  • Oh it’s the next day, Layla gives Will a fortune cookie and he realizes he skipped out on her
  • She’s about to confess her love and ask him to homecoming, but Will bursts out saying he’s so excited that he’s going with Grayson
  • Side note, is it weird to anybody else that Grayson is a senior and Will is a freshman?
  • Layla plays it off and says she’s going with Warren Peace, which pisses off Will
  • Layla sits with Warren, who says “Did I do or say anything last night to make you think this is okay?”
  • Magenta sits with them, as well as Ethan and Zach, which is definitely annoying him haha
  • “Does anyone else need a date for homecoming?” Ethan raises his hand
  • Warren is so cute and cool - he agrees to be her date just to get on Will’s nerves
  • NO WONDER I HAD SUCH A HUGE CRUSH ON HIM
  • I literally did not remember much about this movie, other than I know that an attack of some sort happens during homecoming and the sidekicks help to solve everything
  • Warren burns Layla’s hand when she macks on him to get Will jealous, says “Never call me cutie” hahaha
  • Grayson and Will are studying when Grayson gets a phone call about homecoming, and then kids come over for a party or something, and all the superhero teens are messing up the house
  • Will says he misses his friends, and Grayson dismisses them as sidekicks
  • Will lets grayson into the sanctum, where the speedy boy steals all the souvenirs
  • Layla comes across the party and Grayson spots her, gets Will away and walks over to Layla - along with that girl Penny who’s the clone cheerleader
  • “Where’s Will?” “Honestly? Avoiding you” - Grayson chases Layla off
  • Will dumps Grayson, and then kicks everybody out of the house, but not befre his parents get home
  • Will tries to get Layla to meet him at the Paper Lantern
  • Warren sees him sitting at the table alone, and he’s in his chill mode again
  • “We were only going together to make you jealous. You’re so stupid; she’s totally into you”
  • Warren… you are so chill… and cool……….. (and hot obviously because of the fire. Haha. bad joke)
  • Is Warren multifaceted? Or just poorly written? Eh
  • WARREN SHOWS UP AT THE DANCE IN A TUX… AND MEETS UP WITH LAYLA….
  • Will’s parents go to the dance, but Will stays home to mope - and as he’s looking through the year book, he sees Grayson in his dad’s old science club, holding that Pacifier gun thing
  • He then realizes that it is stolen
  • Okay, so I take back my earlier complaining about the pointless romance - apparently it pays off
  • Grayson turns into her super villain self - complete with a kickass uniform
  • Oh there’s the creepy jester sidekick
  • They definitely still look like Power Ranger villains
  • “Royal Pain is a girl?” asks Commander
  • Royal Pain (Grayson) uses the Pacifier… which turns Commander into a baby
  • Aw, the sidekick teacher jumps up to safe Josie as she turns into a baby mid-flight
  • All the superheroes get turned into babies
  • Oh, of course Penny and Lash and Speed are in on it, but like - why? Cause they’re popular? Because they weren’t also old and in the old yearbooks?
  • Warren helps the sidekicks escape via a grate
  • Will arrives at the school with Ron Wilson
  • Will apologizes to the sidekicks for being a jerk… but like… EW LAYLA AND WILL KISS
  • Warren deserves better
  • The bullies show up and Warren is gonna fight them, the sidekicks run off
  • Layla and Ethan are there too
  • Hahah, Royal Pain and her sidekick are putting all the babies into car seats
  • Penny clones corner Layla, who says she doesn’t believe in using her powers for violence
  • Haha, Ethan hides in the toilet and then gives the bully a swirly
  • Grayson gives her back story… basically, she was put in sidekick class because nobody knew what technomancy was back then
  • She wants to raise all these heroes as super villains, which is why she turned them all back into babies
  • The pacifier gun backfired when Commander fought her, which turned her back into a baby - which means she retained all her memories? So why wouldn’t these baby superheroes just rebel against her when they got old enough?
  • Penny smacks Layla, who then uses her plant powers to use vines and tie up her and her clones
  • The school is going to fall out of the sky - and they need to get into the anti gravity room
  • The only access is the size of a rat, and thankfully Magenta can turn into a guinea pig, adorable
  • Zach: look at her cute little legs
  • Will falls out of the sky after a fight with Royal Pain - but surprise, surprise, he has flying powers too
  • “Surprised? So am I” that’s a cute line haha
  • Once he punches away Grayson’s helmet, he can’t bring himself to hurt her again
  • RON WILSON COMES TO SAVE THE DAY, punching the creepy joker henchman who’s trying to get the babies away on a bus
  • Um there’s a really truly awful puppet when the guinea pig is chewing the wire, it’s so bad
  • While the school is falling, will is trying to support it with his strength and flying powers but it’s not working well
  • The problem is fixed RIGHT before it hits a neighborhood
  • Dr. Medulla’s face is like superimposed on a baby. He’s going to help fix all the babies, asking Warren to take him to the lab, and then says - “Regrettably, I have made boom boom” why are you doing this to me, movie
  • Commander gives his trophy he was going to accept to all the sidekicks for saving the day, and thanks the sidekick teacher for doing such a good job
  • NO
  • WHAT
  • THEY INTRODUCE SOME ICE POWER GIRL RIGHT AT THE END
  • FOR WARREN?
  • WHY
  • WHY NOT JUST PUT HIM WITH LAYLA
  • THIS MOVIE ANGERS ME
  • Zach and Magenta start dancing together, that’s adorable
  • Ugh, Layla and Will are outside and kissing each other while floating in the air
  • Layla, girl… you deserve better
  • Ron Wilson fell into a vat of toxic waste and gets super powers!! Yay!
  • I could definitely see how this could have been developed into more movies
  • SERIOUSLY WHY DIDN’T WARREN AND LAYLA END UP TOGETHER
  • THIS ANGERS ME
  • “In the end, my girlfriend became my arch enemy, my arch enemy became my best friend, and my best friend became my girlfriend. But, hey, it's high school."
  • OH they are developing a sequel as of 2016!!