GWYGH, Ep. 011: Lucy and the Spy, With Diamonds (Janine's Notes)

A few episodes ago, Kate and Janine watched of D.E.B.S. (2004), wherein a secret test hidden in the SAT is used to select the perfect spy. This LGBT action/comedy/romance/spy movie is a wonderful film full of fluff and meetcutes and perhaps one of the only movies we review that we'll recommend you watch. The following is Janine's notes while she was watching the movie. 

  • God this narrator voice is classic
  • Secret test in the SAT? Man no wonder I didn’t like the SAT. ACT all the way man
  • Apparently the test measures their ability to lie, cheat, and kill - “Man, I bombed the SAT but at least I scored pretty high in the assassin section!” 
  • This is fucking glorious so far just so we are clear
  • I’m in love with this terrible premise
  • It was such an intense beginning, but after the credits it goes to an idyllic suburb scene - oop, but the newspaper boy tries to throw the paper to a house that has a secret force field
  • This is giving me totally spies vibes
  • It’s like a sorority house with a video/PA system for the leader to yell at them to wake up
  • “Have you seen my gun? What did I do with it?” It was in her laundry bin hahaha
  • The leader is Michael Clarke Duncan (Mr. P) and he’s fucking fantastic
  • Why are their skirts so much shorter than the other girls’ skirts? They’ve got like mini skirts while the others have knee length skirts
  • Lucy Diamond is back in the states! Amy says that she’s writing her thesis on her - So it’s a college too? So they’re not just spies they have grades and stuff? That’s intense
  • One of Diamond’s mercenaries (Scud) is Jimmy Simpson 
  • Diamond is meeting up with a Russian assassin, Ninotchka Kaprova and the DEBS are supposed to investigate
  • APPARENTLY IT’S A DATE?! This movie is perfect
  • Scud is trying to set her up with a new girlfriend
  • LESBIAN VILLAIN SPIES?!?!?! THIS MOVIE IS AMAZING
  • Apparently she was dumped and Scud wants her to start dating again
  • “Promise me you’ll be open.” “Open to what?” “Open to love.” Scud is perfect
  • Amy apparently wants to go to art school after graduating but Max tells her that she shouldn’t waste her perfect score on it
  • I love the French accent that Dominique has
  • Amy’s ex-boyfriend Bobby drops in as they’re doing surveillance (apparently tons of spy groups are also tailing Diamond)
  • OMG the other girls just zip away as Amy asks for some privacy
  • “I’m not going to spy on them” “You are a spy, dipshit”
  • They zip right back over when Amy tells Bobby she doesn’t love him
  • This is a really awkward date but I love it
  • “So you’re an assassin. How does that work?” “It’s mostly freelance.” 
  • Apparently Kaprova wants to be a dancer but not an assassin haha
  • Diamond is wincing as Kaprova discusses how she’s killed people
  • Bobby demands Amy’s bracelet back and it drops to the ground, then Lucy looks up and sees all the girls spying on her - a gunfight breaks out after a waiter opens champagne
  • Kaprova is disappointed that Diamond is blowing her off 
  • Lucy escapes the bar while the girls argue about what to do next (and how Janet hasn’t earned her stripes yet) which seems like a big waste of time haha
  • Are Amy and Diamond going to fall in love? I’m into that
  • They run into each other and apologize, Amy forgot the rest of the Miranda rights hahah
  • “I’m writing a term paper on you.”  This is a meet cute if I’ve ever seen one
  • Omg Amy just tucks the gun under her arm and shakes hands with her
  • Amy turns away to answer the girls who yell for her and Diamond turns away
  • Apparently Lucy just leaves a bunch of diamonds at her feet? Or is the factory full of diamonds? That’s so dramatic
  • “You are the only one, ever, to fight Lucy Diamond and live to tell about it”
  • Scud and Lucy are gossipping in the car and she admits that she has a crush on Amy
  • “She is literally their poster child!” “Their poster child doesn’t know it yet but she’s into me”
  • Scud yells at Lucy - “PS - she’s straight!” hahaha
  • Lucy goes to the Debs headquarters - which apparently everybody just knows where it is? Though she has to deal with the forcefield - APPARENTLY SHE CAN JUST CUT THROUGH IT?! That’s not very useful then
  • It IS a feel-good goofy lesbian spy movie though. So don’t think too hard
  • Lucy just shows up in Amy’s room while she’s sleeping?! They have a fight because Lucy spooked her
  • “What are you doing here?” “I wanted to see her.” She claims she wants to just give her advice for her thesis haha but they struggle over a crossbow and Lucy forces her out of the house - but then Janet spots them and she has to come with on their date of sorts lol
  • Amy and Janet pout once Diamond and Scud bring them to this bar called the Junk Pit - they only leave the car because Janet says she has to pee and Amy follows her in haha
  • Can I just say I love this soundtrack? It’s so nostalgic for me
  • Her central thesis is that Diamond felt the need to overcompensate by being more ruthless than her male counterparts and that created an emotional void making her incapable of love
  • “I’m open to love! I am!” She’s a little sore about it haha
  • “This is so weird? Why aren’t you killing me?” “I’m not into that.” Apparently all the agents who died around her died of natural causes like frostbite or Ebola
  • Amy is like biting her lip and staring at Lucy - JUST KISS ALREADY!!!! 
  • “I could get kicked out of the DEBS for this!” “For what?” She leans in for the kiss and then Janet pops up and goes “Oh my God! She almost kissed you! You almost let her!” JANET!!!!!
  • Janet exchanged emails with Scud but is acting so scandalized by Amy being into Diamond
  • Max is at the house and demands to know where they were, and they claim they were just on a walk because Amy was mad about Bobby
  • There’s a whole school of DEBS? Just out here in the middle of the city? And they’re open about it? Do they all have special houses like the main girls?
  • “They’re calling you a hero when really, you’re a slut. A gay slut.” JANET stop being so mean to Amy!! 
  • Holland Taylor is great in this movie; she confronts Amy about her meeting with Diamond and calls her the forefront expert on the subject
  • “Amy, I think you identify with Lucy Diamond. I think she sees your pathos. You've got some dangerous union symbiosis going on-- What's that movie with Jodie? And the little dog falls in the well with the lotion?” “Silence of the Lambs.” “You’re the lamb, Amy. We can use that to our advantage.” This is incredible
  • She has been promoted to squad captain! Which upsets Max, the current squad leader 
  • Apparently there’s a robbery in progress (Code 99) by Lucy Diamond and they have to respond to it - of course they drive a VW Bug Convertible
  • Scud says to Diamond, “D.E.B.S. en route, 2 minutes” “Do I look okay?”
  • Diamond tries to get Amy’s attention but she’s with her squad of DEBS agents hahah
  • They’re arguing about what to do again - “guys, this is stupid - we are going to die” - Lucy tells them to secure the bank vault
  • Max was right - the bank was a trap, but Amy falls into a trap door to fall down onto a pile of money and meet Lucy haha
  • The girls in the vault are having the ceiling lowered down on them and Amy demands Lucy stop it - “Booby trap deactivated, happy?!”
  • THEY KISS, YES
  • “Come with me. Come on, what do you have to lose?” “Everything.”
  • They find Amy’s tie on the pile of Diamond - the girls figure out that she’s been kidnapped and DEBS are on high alert to find her - but they’re just having cute dates together hahaha
  • Janet and Scud are emailing back and forth - Janet leaves her voicemails saying to stop playing hooky and come back
  • AMY GIVES LUCY DIAMOND ENCRUSTED HANDCUFFS?!?!
  • Amy explains how she became a DEB when an agent gave her the acceptance envelope. “The government is freaky that way.” “Yeah.”
  • Lucy tells Amy she should do what she loves, not what they say she is good at
  • “Are you here to sabotage your spy career?” “I’m here because I feel more like me when I’m with you than I do when I’m with me.”
  • Kaprova, who saw Lucy and Amy sharing a milkshake, calls up the DEBS to give them intel on where she is!
  • Scud goes to attack the Debs (+Bobby) who show up while Lucy and Amy are just making out upstairs
  • Janet and Scud flirt during the battle which is cute haha
  • The squad walks in to see the girls naked under the sheets!!! 
  • Surprisingly they just walk away in disappointment? They don’t try to arrest Lucy?
  • “Are you kidding me? We conduct a nationwide manhunt for you and you're boning the suspect? Did you think this was a joke? ‘Let's divert federal resources and man hours so I can have my collegiate lesbian fling in style.’”
  • They decide to just cover up the relationship because no one else knows what’s going on
  • BOBBY IS THE WORST - he rolls up next to her and is like, “We’re still going to end game together girl? And that whole lesbian thing was pretty hot.”
  • Lucy shows up in Amy’s room but she presses the panic button so the girls come in and shoot at her, which makes her run away
  • Lucy shoots the handcuffs into the room sand shouts from the street, “I thought you were different!”
  • Back at the evil lair, Scud has to stop Lucy from obliterating Australia
  • UGH THIS SONG IS GOOD TOO!! The District Sleeps Alone Tonight by the Postal Service
  • Lucy starts returning the money she’s stolen to become a good person, during a montage to A Little Respect by Erasure
  • The DEBS defuse a bomb and it opens with a bunch of balloons that say “Amy be Mine” which is adorable
  • Scud is amazing - he and Lucy are dancing to the song in between this montage, it’s fantastic
  • They leave a pile of money outside a bank with the note that just says SORRY!
  • Amy goes to End Game - which is like a graduation dance or something? It’s not clear
  • Scud and Lucy decide to break in so she can confess her love to Amy
  • Bobby finds out Lucy Diamond is breaking in, so he is determined to keep her from getting close to Amy again
  • Amy gives this dramatic speech about how evil Lucy is, just as Lucy enters the auditorium.. But she turns it around and says how she realized how she can’t accept this award because she loves Lucy - “The time I spent with Lucy Diamond was the happiest time in my life.” 
  • “If you’ll excuse me, I have a date with the devil.” 
  • After someone yells that everyone should run because Lucy Diamond is here - Lucy and Amy dramatically meet in a warehouse, running against each other again just like the first time they met
  • “We’ve got to stop meeting like this” and then they immediately makeout
  • It looks like Max is going to shoot Lucy, but she says - “If you break her heart, I will hunt you down and kill you.” “Deal.”
  • Scud just slyly walks back to the group of DEBS because he wants to talk to Janet, who just got her stripes
  • Lucy and Amy drive off together and that’s the end of the movie! 
  • Cute movie. Felt WAY too long though at almost an hour and a half. It felt way longer tbh
  • But the lesbian representation was amazing! This movie would be so popular now imo